My MIL asked for all three Twilight saga movies for Christmas this year. Being
what I thought was a great DIL, I refused to buy them for her. I just could not justify buying teenie-bopper movies for a woman pushing the national retirement age. In all fairness, I would refuse to buy my father the entire Bring It On series also. There’s just something not right about grandparents lusting after “high school” aged actors. (I know, I know, NONE of the actors in either of those series is really the age they portray. At least I’m pretty sure. Robert Pattison could very easily be 109 years old, what with how dead behind the eyes he always looks.) Luckily for my MIL, my BIL is so far up her ass I have a hard time distinguishing if they truly are two separate people and he bought them for her. So for the last few months I’ve had to endure weekly “Emberly visits” from Grandma that included updates on how the latest Twilight movie she watched related to the book and did you know that Forks is a real place in Washington?! In fact, a place they used to drive through every summer when going fishing! And do you know why THESE vampires have to live up in the NE?!?! Do you? DO YOU?! My lord people, it as if MIL felt that she had just barely missed her chance to be a member of the Cullen clan! Do you know how exhausting it is to act interested in something you had no intention of every watching, let alone reading? Well, let’s just say it explains my absence from this blog.
Keeping in my tradition of striving to be the best DIL ever (or trying my damnedest not to break up a family no matter how frustratingly annoying they can be!) I excitedly accept Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse from my MIL. I knew it was going to be tricky watching all three movies. There was no way in h e double hockey sticks (WTF did I just tone down my language?) I was going to get my husband to watch these sober and willingly!
For the past 4 weeks, I have taken my precious Saturday nap times and sullied them with these poor movie choices. Okay, I can’t be that harsh. They aren’t horrible, but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have chosen them myself, willingly. (“willingly” word of the day y’all!)
The first 20 minutes in to Twilight and I almost threw up. I was not sure how much more dark hair glossy white *teens* I could look at. It was just too much. I’m not sure what happened, but around 25 minutes in, I was calmed back down (most likely from the saltines I had hoarded on to the couch) and making my way through the rest of the movie. Each movie reminded me so much of married sex. You know when you’re just not in the mood for it, but you give your significant other the reigns to get their socks off and for a moment you start to get in to it thinking you could actually enjoy this then BAM you’re thrown right back in to reality where you realize your not in bed with Joel McHale? Yeah, their pretty much like that. The only redeeming parts are when the “teenage” werewolves walk around with their shirts off, but then Kristen Stewart comes in to the picture and her horrible acting slams you back to your non-celebrity married sex life feeling dirty with your socks still on. Sadly, I’m sure I’ll probably end up watching the 4th installment and fake my enthusiasm for it when my MIL comes for her weekly visit. The sacrifices I make people. I sure hope my husband appreciates it.