The one where there aren’t always great thoughts and a fantasy world exists that may not be better than your life now, but sometimes it feels that way. The place where you just want to blare songs on Spotify the entire day. Songs that most would be annoyed to hear over and over and over again, but tug at your heart making it weep, letting you know that you can still feel even if it is somber. Well, that’s where I am.
I would love to write about them here, but sometimes the scariest part is admitting to those feelings. Then I feel bad that I am even having thoughts that I’m not comfortable with sharing. I wonder if I’d feel better if I just let them out. Would others jump on board and admit their horrible truths and their longings? Would people politely agree with me while thinking in their head, “what.the.fuck? Who would ever admit to thinking that?!” Would putting actual words to those thoughts, pummeling them into the atmosphere, only fuck with my kharma? Would I actually get what I’m wanting? Would I then be happy? Would I be a horrible person?
Most likely, I’ll bury myself even deeper into this recess and continue drowning my heart in the ocean that is sad songs. I’ll daydream of blaring these songs while I drive down a lonely highway gazing longingly out the window. If I’m lucky, I’ll stumble upon a song that I forgot about. A song that reminds me of who I am. A song that lifts my spirit and gives me no choice but to belt the lyrics with a grin on my face and a twinkle in my eye.
Maybe I need to switch back to Pandora. At least then I’d be given the chance for their musical elves to give me just a song or two that let me taste the sweet nectar that is already obtained happiness.