Archive | June, 2009

I are smarteded!

30 Jun

Seriously, you would not believe how brilliant I am. I think I’ve finally found the culprit to Emberly’s nightly wakings and I’m not happy about it. This enlightenment, if you will, means I have to give up one of the three things I told all (cause you know there’s hundreds waiting to read my words 😉 ) of you that were going to help me through this whole Post-Postpartum hogwash. And with a second one closely following in it’s tracks come my next doctor’s appointment, it’s a hard day in my brain. I figured out that the Mt. Dew I started adding back in to my life, may be waking Emberly in the middle of the night. I’m sure you could probably show me a million different sites that will claim otherwise, but it’s true. I haven’t had caffeine since Friday and she’s been sleeping so much better! Saturday night/Sunday morning she woke up at 4:30. Sunday night/Monday morning she woke up at 3:30, but that’s b/c her bottle schedule was off from our first pool adventure and having company for dinner (more on the adventure later). Last night/this morning, not even a PEEP until 5:15. And even then, I just gave her the pacifier and she fell back asleep until about 6:30. DAMN YOU MT DEW! How dare you make me happy and then screw with my sleep. It isn’t fair I tells ya. But really, in the grand scheme of things, I can live without you for a few months longer just to have my lovebug sleeping through the night again.
Now, about this whole getting-of-zoloft bs. I’m not too sure about it. I know I’ve discussed this before, but that’s one of the tripod legs of my whole survival at this point. I mean, in less than two weeks, will I still be around if all I have to survive on is this blog? While all of the amazing comments (hehe) get me through the day, I just don’t know if my hormones alone can help me survive. I think Dr. Awesome and I are going to have quite the talk at my appointment next week. The link to my blog may even be included. That way he can see how crazy I really can be!
For now, I’ll just suck it up with no caffeine…or at least the occasional sip of Britt’s now and again. I have a feeling this blog will be seeing quite a few more posts too. Wish me luck people!

It feels like forever

24 Jun

but it’s only been a week since my last post. We survived the camping trip. Although, I’m a little concerned that MIL may not have survived the babysitting. I made the mistake of calling her on Friday. She said, “I didn’t realize how active babies were.” Oh shit. You’ve got to be kidding me. She tried to make me feel good saying that Emberly was having a little trouble sleeping and whatever but because, “She knows hon. She knows you’re not here and that things are different.” Thanks. And quit calling me hon. All that did was make me feel worse for leaving her. Luckily my sisters were with me so they took my mind off of it and reminded me how over dramatic MIL can be. I know she meant well but sometimes I think she just doesn’t think.
In the end, everything turned out fine. Emberly’s still alive and MIL doesn’t resent her. However, I think we’re dealing with Emberly coming down off of the spoil train. She wouldn’t sleep well for MIL and I think that’s b/c MIL wouldn’t let her cry. She ended up swaddling Emberly on the couch to sleep at night. I’m pretty sure she reacted to the first breath before a cry out of Emberly’s mouth. So now, we have a baby who will go to sleep just fine, but wake up around 2 and 4 wanting to be held and rocked back to sleep. Not good. To top it off, I think she’s going through a growth spurt, or harboring food for a freak winter we don’t know about. Two nights ago, she ate 13 ounces before going to bed. One would think that with a belly that full, she’d be comatose. Nope. Up at 2, then again at 4:30. In order to let Britt get some much needed sleep, I had to bring her out and feed her at the 4 o’clock wakings. And of course, after about 5-10 minutes of eating she was sound asleep. Being the gracious wife that I am 😉 I decided to just hold her the last two mornings to that she wouldn’t wake up when I set her down. Brilliant, right? Except for the fact that I tried to catch a few more minutes of shut eye and have now ruined my neck. It is so out of place I don’t think any two vertebra are aligned. Of course I’m too cheap to go to the chiropractor. It’s loosening up, but I think it might take awhile. And it’s so out of place it’s making my throat a little sore. Fun times. Would I change it for anything, never! I know this is just a phase (right? please tell me it will stop soon) and in a few months we’ll be looking back trying to remember what happened then. It’s just hard at times for Britt to realize that at times. (4:30 in the morning to be exact.) I think he’s afraid that she will start getting in to this routine and not grow out of it for years. Poor guy doesn’t function on lack of sleep.
The thing that’s worrying me the most is that she’s still hungry in the middle of the night. We’ve started adding about an ounce of rice cereal to her formula/breast milk bottles, but I guess it’s not cutting it. I think I’ll try adding even more tonight. She’s starting to get used to the spoon. We’ve tried feeding her just the rice a few times. She wants the spoon in her mouth, but she’s still trying to figure out what to do with the rice. She finally swallowed one spoonful last night and that was it. It’s amazing how much we take for granted. Think about it as you eat today. Imagine not knowing what to do with the hamburger once it’s in your mouth. Luckily my stomach’s brilliant and would never let me not swallow food ;). Of course, think of how we’d have no obesity issues if every time we ate our mouths just kind of pawed at what was inside, spitting out 3/4s of it. Wait! I think I’ve found the cure. I’m not going to teach Emberly how to fully eat. I mean, it won’t totally be an eating disorder, right? More like a new age eating style. What do you think?

Wish me luck

17 Jun

We’re leaving on a camping trip tomorrow morning. Emberly will be staying at home with Grandma. We will be gone Thursday-Sunday. I don’t know if I’ll survive. Luckily my sisters will be with me to keep me occupied. I know it will be good for all of us to have some time away. Britt and I will be able to just enjoy each other and adult time (along with a few beverages) while Emberly will get to play with a new face. I’m sure she’s tired of our shenanigans. I feel good that she will have fun and not hate us upon return. I keep telling myself that this will help expand her mind. She’ll be used to other people and hopefully won’t freak out any other time we have to leave her in the future. I’m sure it’s all a bunch of hogwash, but it makes me feel better. I never wanted to be one of those moms that never leaves their kid overnight for their first 12 years of life. I just don’t feel that’s healthy for anyone. Of course, people probably think I’m crazy leaving Emberly so soon for so long. Oh well. To each their own. Just pray that she smiles at me upon return instead of insta-crying at the sight of me.
Oh, and wish me luck that I actually enjoy some of the time away and don’t spend it solely missing her.

Knock on Wood

15 Jun

Emberly’s sleeping has improved. We haven’t started rice cereal yet (hopefully tonight, we just had busy days this weekend) but Saturday she woke up once for her pacifier and Sunday she ate one ounce we had left over from her dinner at about 1:30.
I think the kicker was that she finally rolled over from her back to her stomach. She’s been teasing us for the last week or two rolling on to her side and then back on to her back. Friday night she started putting her face in to it. She’d roll her face into the blanket but just wasn’t getting there. My MIL had the audacity to say, “I hope she waits and rolls over while you’re camping next week and I’m watching her. Then you can be jealous.” Um, bitch. Comments like that make it even more difficult for me to leave Emberly for four days with her. Thank god for cell phones.
Anyways, while I was doing the morning dishes Saturday, Britt yells, “Babe!!” I look over expecting something stupid to be on tv, but he had that glee on his face. I knew it must be something exciting. As I look down at Emberly, she rolls back on to her back…again. Britt freaked her out when he yelled at me. She looked at him, then decided she’d practice this whole rolling over thing again. Within a few more attempts, she made it over. And after a few more minutes, she had her arm out from underneath her. At that moment, Britt and I just stared at each other overcome with joy with how amazing our daughter was (b/c you know she’s the first baby to ever roll over, right?) and with fear. We both said, “now we’re screwed! She’s on the move.” No more leaving her on the changing table as I use the bathroom or wash my hands. Nope. No more of her being content with just the small blanket on the floor for her to play on. Oh no. Now I’m going to have to constantly worry about what’s on the floor. I’m going to have to actually vacuum consistently…regularly. We’re in for it now, but we couldn’t be more excited.
And now that I’ve published this and told people that she’s sleeping better, you know I will be up three times tonight with her. That’s okay, she’s got a lot of exciting things going on now and if I were her, I’d be too excited to sleep too!

4 months and a Zoloft check

11 Jun

Emberly had her 4 month check-up yesterday (5 days early. It still counts!) Everything’s looking good. She’s a whopping 10 lbs 9 1/2 ounces and 22 inches long. Yep, a shorty just like her mom. He said she’s about a 1/2 inch shorter than he thinks she should be at this point, but no need to worry. While he said we don’t have to start pulling at her legs yet, we need to make sure not to weigh down her head 😉 Man I’m going to miss this doctor. I still tell him that he WILL NOT be moving in August. Apparently he needs to do what’s best for his family. Seriously, priorities doc. I don’t think he understands that Britt said no more kids, especially since this doctor won’t be here to deliver. And with the birth I had with Emberly, there’s no way I could make a 3 hour drive to have him perform the next one.
He did look around Emberly’s mouth after I told him of the new night awakenings. No teeth budding yet, but he said she appears to be teething. Gotta love the drool, red cheeks and chewing on her little fingers. He suggested we try some Baby Orajel and feeding her rice cereal before bedtime. Looks like we’re getting ready to start real foods! Exciting.
As for me, he asked how the Zoloft was going. I said pretty good. I no longer cry every day! I still feel a need to read sad blogs and feel what they’re feeling, but I don’t cry. He thought that was good. He was also impressed that I started blogging for therapy. He said that since I had such a quick “recovery” with the Zoloft that I probably won’t need to be on it for the 6 months he was thinking. Instead, he wants to see me again in a month and probably take me off then. Great! Right? To tell you the truth, it kind of scares me. I like the way I feel on Zoloft. I feel more in control of my emotions. I don’t want to have to depend on a drug, but I like it. Maybe he can just call the pharmacy and have them give me a placebo pill.
If things go as he plans, I may need to purchase stock in Mt. Dew as I see myself needing to self medicate in the next month or so.

Dear Lovebug,

10 Jun

What have you done with my darling daughter who loved to sleep through the night. I fear you have kidnapped her and I want her back. You were doing so well. Why must you add a 3am feeding, and last night a midnight one? I will chalk it up to a growth spurt for now. Or maybe teething? But please, let’s figure this out STAT and get our ol’ Emberly back. I miss her so.

Love,
Mom

I know it’s purely selfish for me to want her to sleep through the night, so sue me. I think a happy mom is a better mom…and this mom needs sleep. Ems day care provider did mention that she thought she might be teething. Apparently she had really red cheeks for a bit yesterday which can be a sign. I’m secretly hoping that is what’s going on. Although, we may have to adjust our breastfeeding situation then. Momma’s nipples go through enough with the feedings and the pumpings. Bite marks don’t suit me well.  I know this would be the start to a horrendous season of teeth budding and playing peek-a-boo, but at least then we’d have a reason. Of course, she’ll probably end up being like her mom and aunts and cousin and not get teeth until closer to a year. Either way, we need to figure something out. Tonight will only be worse. We have shots at 1:15 and then our 4 month check-up (plus a little, “how’s the zoloft treating you” meeting) at 4:15. Hopefully the Tylenol bides me a few more hours of sleep tonight. And yes, I’m one of those moms who will drug her baby, but only for the sake of her feeling better (and maybe to stay quiet on a flight).

So my loyal followers 😉 Any suggestions on how to handle these newly accustomed feedings?

P.S. I want to point out that while I would love some much needed sleep, I wouldn’t trade anything in the world for the problems we’re facing now. I know how lucky we are to have a healthy living child and I thank the higher powers that be for her everyday…even at 12am, 1:30am, 3:30am and 4:45am this morning.

No one tells you

9 Jun

that it’s going to be this hard. Well, okay, everyone tells you, but you never really listen. You think, ‘oh, it might have been tough for them, but my baby will be great and I’ll be able to take everything in stride.’ WRONG!
You really have no concept of how ridiculously different your life will be. And then all of a sudden, BAM, everything’s different. The first night home is pure bliss. You’re overcome with emotions of elation for having your little family all together in your house. It’s the second night that gets you. The baby is still trying to get accustomed to this f*cked up world and it’s surroundings, you’re trying to be one step ahead of the baby in knowing what it needs but you always end up one step behind. There’s at least one moment when you think, “What the hell were we thinking?! Can’t we just go back to the two of us for one more night?” Of course, people always tell you it gets better, and it’s hard to believe them. It does get better, but once it gets better with one aspect another hurdle comes around. You’re left thinking that if this is better when will it be best?
It’s a scary thing this job they call parenthood. Even when I feel like we’ve got a good routine going, something will come along to jack it up. One day will be pure bliss and the next she’ll cry for hours on end. Yes, it’s much better 😉 I’m always wondering if I’m forgetting to do something, not meeting one of her needs. Nope, she’s just a baby. Baby’s cry. I knew that, I did, but it’s different when it’s yours. You feel like you’re causing them undue anguish. And when others are around and they’re crying incessantly, forget about it. People will give you the ol’ “it’s good exercise for their lungs.” Doesn’t make me feel better. I tried to get that mentality in my head to stick, but it didn’t. I mean, how much exercise do her lungs need? She uses them constantly with that whole breathing madness.

If only there were a manual for raising a kid. Oh wait, there is…more like are. That’s the problem. We’re almost overrun with information. Just when I think I feel comfortable with a recommendation, I find another very valid argument for the opposite. If you look hard enough, you will find an article or opinion to completely discount the one you’ve been researching. It’s mind boggling. As if I wasn’t questioning my parenting enough on my own. And don’t get me started on chat rooms about parenting. There’s always some clique that has nothing better to do all day than tell you what you’re doing wrong and how they know everything. I wish I felt that way, but then again, I don’t know if Emberly would appreciate me feeling so steadfast in some aspects.

For now, I’ll just continue asking advice from mothers I trust. I’ll research a bit on the internet for another opinion, but most of all, I’m going to trust my gut. Things will get better. If I ever doubt this, all I need to do is look at this face and know that for better or worse, I’ll love her forever:
3 months