No one tells you

9 Jun

that it’s going to be this hard. Well, okay, everyone tells you, but you never really listen. You think, ‘oh, it might have been tough for them, but my baby will be great and I’ll be able to take everything in stride.’ WRONG!
You really have no concept of how ridiculously different your life will be. And then all of a sudden, BAM, everything’s different. The first night home is pure bliss. You’re overcome with emotions of elation for having your little family all together in your house. It’s the second night that gets you. The baby is still trying to get accustomed to this f*cked up world and it’s surroundings, you’re trying to be one step ahead of the baby in knowing what it needs but you always end up one step behind. There’s at least one moment when you think, “What the hell were we thinking?! Can’t we just go back to the two of us for one more night?” Of course, people always tell you it gets better, and it’s hard to believe them. It does get better, but once it gets better with one aspect another hurdle comes around. You’re left thinking that if this is better when will it be best?
It’s a scary thing this job they call parenthood. Even when I feel like we’ve got a good routine going, something will come along to jack it up. One day will be pure bliss and the next she’ll cry for hours on end. Yes, it’s much better 😉 I’m always wondering if I’m forgetting to do something, not meeting one of her needs. Nope, she’s just a baby. Baby’s cry. I knew that, I did, but it’s different when it’s yours. You feel like you’re causing them undue anguish. And when others are around and they’re crying incessantly, forget about it. People will give you the ol’ “it’s good exercise for their lungs.” Doesn’t make me feel better. I tried to get that mentality in my head to stick, but it didn’t. I mean, how much exercise do her lungs need? She uses them constantly with that whole breathing madness.

If only there were a manual for raising a kid. Oh wait, there is…more like are. That’s the problem. We’re almost overrun with information. Just when I think I feel comfortable with a recommendation, I find another very valid argument for the opposite. If you look hard enough, you will find an article or opinion to completely discount the one you’ve been researching. It’s mind boggling. As if I wasn’t questioning my parenting enough on my own. And don’t get me started on chat rooms about parenting. There’s always some clique that has nothing better to do all day than tell you what you’re doing wrong and how they know everything. I wish I felt that way, but then again, I don’t know if Emberly would appreciate me feeling so steadfast in some aspects.

For now, I’ll just continue asking advice from mothers I trust. I’ll research a bit on the internet for another opinion, but most of all, I’m going to trust my gut. Things will get better. If I ever doubt this, all I need to do is look at this face and know that for better or worse, I’ll love her forever:
3 months

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3 Responses to “No one tells you”

  1. kdsnowpixi July 7, 2009 at 11:05 am #

    I really appreciate this post. I have been thinking all of these things and feeling bad about it. Thanks for putting into words what I haven’t been able to.

  2. kdsnowpixi July 7, 2009 at 11:06 am #

    BTW, ^ that comment is from me, Kate. 🙂

    • insertwittytitleheremomstired July 7, 2009 at 11:08 am #

      I was trying to figure out who this snowpixi is 😉 I’m glad I can help you. This parenting thing is tough. That’s partly why I started this blog. I needed a place to put down what I was feeling so that I could work through it. I hope I continue to help you ;D

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