I’m pretty sure my husband is gay and may be breaking up with me.

17 Mar

It’s true. I’ve always wondered. He seems to attract gay men and even straight men. It’s weird really. I always just brushed it off since he is quite attractive. That was, however, until the last few days. He’s been going on and on about the Michael Buble song, “Haven’t Met You Yet.” Yeah, it’s a good song, catchy. But when we got in to his truck to go to lunch, his radio was blaring. “Um, nope, I wasn’t jamming on my way to work this morning. I can’t help it. That Michael bubble song is just so good.” To his surprise, the song started and up the radio went again. He was singing along like my sister and I used to when we were in high school cruising the streets on a warm spring day. It was pretty funny and pitiful all at the same time. “You think I’m gay, huh?” Well, kind of. How could I not? Run to the nearest straight man you know and ask him to sing a few bars of ANY Michael Buble song. They looked at you like you were asking them if they knew when you last ovulated, right?
To make matters worse, have you heard the lyrics? Is my husband trying to break up with me? I mean, he just hasn’t met who yet? And it’s not like he doesn’t have a history with break ups using song. When he was with the teenage love of his life (please don’t get me started on that. She was 16 and he was [b]12[/b]! WTF, right?) she broke his heart using a song. She wrote out a letter filled with the lyrics to Ace of Bass’s “I Saw The Sign.” No really, stop laughing. I’m serious. Serious! I couldn’t keep myself from crying (from hysteria) when he first told me this. That’s just fucking CLASSIC! Think about how smooth and intelligent she thought she was. I wonder what sparks in her memory. Is it the killer beat? The uplifting message? Or is it how she probably drove around for weeks after with the windows rolled down, wind blowing through her hair as she screeched along with the song blaring on the radio thinking of how great her life was now that she was free of that 12/13 year old?
Back to the topic at hand. Before we made it in to town, I had to ask Britt if he was trying to tell me something with his love for this song. “What? No, of course not? It’s, um, just a good song, that’s all.”
Sure. I’m on to you. Keep DVRing Maury Povich people. I feel a lie detector test coming up.


One Response to “I’m pretty sure my husband is gay and may be breaking up with me.”

  1. Jo March 18, 2010 at 10:37 am #

    Chris likes Buble too… I’ll have to ask him what his feelings are on the new song, LOL!

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