Archive | June, 2010

Just when you think you’re on the right track…

1 Jun

Your body says f*ck you and gives you a day full of bloat, weight gain and overall lowered self-esteem. Now, I’m getting used to these days. I don’t know if it’s the Zoloft increase, the Mirena birth control or the lack of steady exercise, but it gets me down. And it starts a cycle. Do you know the cycle I’m talking about? The one where you feel like shit about your body and since you feel like shit, you just want to sit around a wallow in it. God forbid you use that as motivation to get your ass moving. Usually these days don’t phase me too much. But today, of all days, is the worst. I start a Ladie’s Golf League tonight. I’m really excited about it. I suck at golf, I know I suck at golf and I’ve been warning everybody that I suck at golf. My golf game is not what’s got me down. It’s this damn bloat/weight/gut grossness. I’m going to be around women who are in pretty decent shape, most of whom I went to school with AND were of course always thinner than me. I hate that I hold such a burden on myself with my weight and feel. I just wish I could be happy with my body. You know what, the best I EVER looked was about 3 months post-partum. When most people are fighting to get back to their pre-baby weights, I was BELOW that number by quite a bit. And now, I’m back to where I don’t want to be. I just wish I were pregnant again and happy with my body.