Archive | July, 2010

EndorFUNs!

28 Jul

Since quitting the Zoloft (in reality since starting it), I’ve been wanting to get my body back. It’s gotten a little too squishy for my liking. Naturally, I’ve put off and put off and put off and put off some more starting an actual exercise regimen. I can’t just JUMP into this people. It takes a lot of planning and what not (‘what not’ here is more of this thing others refer to as motivation.)
I was all amped up to write a post feeling sorry for myself and how I have no friends and how when I go to golf league all of my friends from high school who have been hanging out since high school know all these people and their husbands all hang out and I don’t know anything and somehow manage to feel like I’m in high school again walking the halls with no one saying hi to me and blah blah blah everyone tell me how awesome I am please. But then my bestest friend from high school mentioned that she’s started running in the mornings by herself. So of course, two birds with one stone, I invited myself along! Today was my first day “running” with her. We went for a total of 1 1/2 miles TOTAL. (yes I know I used the word ‘total’ twice in that sentence. I just wanted you guys to be aware of the fact that while I didn’t RUN the full 1 1/2 miles, I did EXERCISE for 1 1/2 miles.) So now I have the endorphins running through my body and I’m all excited because we’re meeting again tomorrow morning to do it again. And now I feel all happy because I have a friend, an exercise partner AND an actual exercise programish! Woot woot! Come on skinny clothes that have been hiding out in my dresser since I quit breastfeeding Emberly. Would it be awkward if I started pumping my boobies in order to burn more calories?

Being a parent to a toddler is kind of like being in an abusive relationship; No matter how many times they hit you, yell at you and make you cry, you still go back to them wanting more.

21 Jul

I actually think being a parent is , at times, worse than being in an abusive relationship. You can NEVER leave parenting. Well, you can, but as news to some of you, I actually have a few morals. I know, THAT is the final sign of the apocalypse. Start praying people.

Anyway, I think Emberly is just taking advantage of the fact that I  recently stopped taking my Zoloft. Oh hi, yes, I have stopped taking my medication. Did I also forget to mention that I have finished therapy also? No?! Hmmm, maybe I should try putting together a place where I can write these things down. Someplace accessible like on the internet. I wonder if they even have such a thing. Oh well, let’s get back to the point. I did fantastical in therapy (btw, spellcheck didn’t catch fantastical! who knew that was an actual word?! No one, because it’s NOT!). I was able to really talk things through with my therapist and catch myself reciting my own story instead of what others were saying.  It was great. I could have spent hours just talking with her, just not at $90/hr. She was good, but not that good. I didn’t even orgasm! Maybe next time the cheaper quicker way to go would be a hooker.

FOCUS! (I’m thinking next stop is Ritalin.) I figured since I seem to be getting closer to actually living in reality, I should try weaning myself off of the Zoloft. I took my time, a week 😉 , and tapered off. I think I haven’t taken any Zoloft in about a week now. Naturally, Emberly felt NOW would be a great time to start tantrums. That sweet little thing thinks it’s a grand idea to scream, cry and slap me while saying NO. At least I know she should be golden come her teenage years.

This great new attitude and lack of good drugs, however, led me to a breakdown dropping her off at daycare yesterday morning. I just couldn’t handle it anymore, the screaming was too much. I didn’t hurt her or shake her or anything, I just broke down. I had to apologize to my DCP for being a fool, to which she thanked me for making her feel more normal for how easily she cries.  After all of that stress and nonsense, wouldn’t you know, by lunch yesterday I was wanting to pick up my little Rosemary’s Baby and snuggle with her. Thankfully, when I picked her up later that afternoon, she reminded me that it wasn’t all in my head. She gladly threw another fit b/c I UNSTRAPPED her from her carseat when we got home.

I may be able to stay off Zoloft, but hopefully the copay for street drugs isn’t as high!

P.S. If you happen to see an entry just before this that looks like it may have been written by a juvenile male, it was just me testing 😉 out my new blog writer on my computer. Sorry.

Testes

21 Jul

hehe