Archive | August, 2010

Let’s move on to something happier, shall we?

19 Aug

I figured it’s time for a post talking about some of the positive things going on right now. In other words, this will not be a post about how Emberly is CONSTANTLY screaming and hitting me, throwing fit and slamming herself on the floor. It will also not be a post about how my husband can be a bigoted asshole at times either complaining about children’s programming and the way they force kids to be bilingual or say “yo” all the time (ie: Yo Gabba Gabba which when pointed out that they rarely say ‘yo’ on that show except when referencing the title, gets me even more nonsensical reasons as to why it’s annoying. Bravo jackass). Yeah, this post is not going to be about those things! (did you like how I still managed to talk about those things so I could get them off my chest yet not make them the focal point?! I’m kind of awesome like that.)
Now, on to the positives!! And sense bullet points seem profession  and fun at the same time, let’s continue with those.

  • Emberly pooped in the toiled last night…ON PURPOSE!!! She started taking her diaper off and saying “poopy.” Britt told her to go to the toilet if she really had to go, so she trotted herself to the bathroom. I held her up on the seat (I’m cheap and figured there’s no way we’re close to potty training, so we are now in the market for a potty chair). She farted a few times, which is still funny I think, and I figured she was confused as to what ‘poopy’ meant. Then, lo and behold, SHIT! Corn-laden poopy shot forth in to the toilet on a mission! It was breathtaking in more ways than one. Britt even got teary eyed b/c of how big Emberly is getting, not the stench.
  • Emberly’s cousin, Jade, has put her on the Finding Nemo bandwagon. A few days ago, before Britt returned home from a conference, Emberly grabbed the remote for the tv. While delicately shoving it in my face, she repeated over and over, “Nemo! Nemo! NEMO!!!!!!” Naturally, I told her, “No, that’s a REMOTE not Nemo.” Kids can be so unsmart sometimes. Upon further “Nemo” demands, I decided I’d distract her with a movie that was already in the dvd player. Finding Nemo luckily distracted her from mispronouncing “remote.” I think we’ll work on our pronunciation next week.
  • Emberly is clothed diapered, however, she does have some disposable swim diapers. She found my stashing place (the chaise lounge in the living room) and grabbed one. While pointing at the picture on the front of the diaper, she repeated, “Dori! Dori!” Sadly, it was a picture of Nemo.  I thought this was going to be a positive list, but the more I type, the more I wonder just how unadvanced my 18 month old is! I mean, hello?! NEMO is not REMOTE and DORI sure as hell isn’t even close to NEMO!  geesh 😉
  • Before Emberly goes in her crib at night, I like to rock her for a bit and sing to her. She has now gotten to the point where she’ll walk in to her room, point to the chair and say, “roc, Roc!” Which is adorable, but she hasn’t grasped the concept of K. I know the English language is a little skewed, I think the whole silent ‘k’ in ‘knife’ is really throwing her off. That poor poor child. Will she ever learn?

I think that’s enough for now. I totally just bummed myself out by realizing how little my 18 month old actually knows. Shouldn’t she be reading Hamlet by now?!

Why do I [s]crappily attempt to[/s] blog?

17 Aug

Because it feels good. I started this space for my sanity. Sure I have a great family, a few IRL friends and the most amazing group of internet friends, but it’s not easy to tell everyone the truth.
It’s not easy to look someone in the eyes and tell them:

  • that you HAD to put your daughter in her crib for 20 minutes just so you wouldn’t do something horrible.
  • that you’re not sure you still love your husband.
  • the secrets that have darkened your soul for years.
  • you need medication to feel normal.
  • you would hate yourself if your daughter ended up with a man that treated her the way her dad treated her mom.
  • you don’t feel pretty and never have.
  • you’re scared shitless that you are going to pass on your same insecurities to your child.
  • you don’t know if your marriage is a forever marriage.
  • you haven’t showered in two days and can smell your lady bits at every leg crossing.
  • yearn for acceptance to any group just for a moment.
  • you don’t care what they think or how they would handle your life differently.
  • cycle by which your mind moves, going from crying one minute, to raging the next, to pissing your pants with laughter.

I do my best to blog because I have no where else to go. This is my sacred space where I can tell the world (or all three readers) what I’m feeling, why I’m hurting and that no matter what, I’ll be okay.

I blog to put the pieces of my heart back together.