Why do I [s]crappily attempt to[/s] blog?

17 Aug

Because it feels good. I started this space for my sanity. Sure I have a great family, a few IRL friends and the most amazing group of internet friends, but it’s not easy to tell everyone the truth.
It’s not easy to look someone in the eyes and tell them:

  • that you HAD to put your daughter in her crib for 20 minutes just so you wouldn’t do something horrible.
  • that you’re not sure you still love your husband.
  • the secrets that have darkened your soul for years.
  • you need medication to feel normal.
  • you would hate yourself if your daughter ended up with a man that treated her the way her dad treated her mom.
  • you don’t feel pretty and never have.
  • you’re scared shitless that you are going to pass on your same insecurities to your child.
  • you don’t know if your marriage is a forever marriage.
  • you haven’t showered in two days and can smell your lady bits at every leg crossing.
  • yearn for acceptance to any group just for a moment.
  • you don’t care what they think or how they would handle your life differently.
  • cycle by which your mind moves, going from crying one minute, to raging the next, to pissing your pants with laughter.

I do my best to blog because I have no where else to go. This is my sacred space where I can tell the world (or all three readers) what I’m feeling, why I’m hurting and that no matter what, I’ll be okay.

I blog to put the pieces of my heart back together.


6 Responses to “Why do I [s]crappily attempt to[/s] blog?”

  1. devon August 17, 2010 at 2:15 pm #

    I love you. And seriously? Only you could write a very serious post and then lace it with “lady bits” which made me giggle.

    Things will get better. You are a beautiful, amazing Mama and little Em is lucky to have you.

    Now please move to PA. 😉

    • insertwittytitleheremomstired August 17, 2010 at 2:43 pm #

      Quit making me cry! You know it’s not good for my wrinkles!
      I would gladly move to PA. I’m sure I could make excellent tiger food in PA!

  2. tracey August 18, 2010 at 3:31 pm #

    My first visit to your blog and I already want to give you a hug. You must be doing something right, eh?

    I would say that most people have several items on your check list that they might not be willing to confess to but actually DO have in their lives. I know that I do. And some of my own neuroses, to boot! I love being a grown-up, don’t you?

    I do try to find a damn silver lining, though. Even on days like this week where the microwave is broken, the fridge has defrosted itself AGAIN and my period is whacked out into overdrive. I just want to become an alcoholic or run away to the ocean and be a bum and just not have any responsibilities…

    • insertwittytitleheremomstired August 19, 2010 at 8:09 am #

      Awww, thanks. For the (possibly returning) readers’ sake, I left a lot of my neuroses out. Can you believe it?
      I keep thinking I’d like to be a kid again, but then the thought of having homework makes my heart race! I do not miss that.
      No responsibilities would be fantastic! I’ve often contemplated becoming an alcoholic. Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, my family cares too much. I’d be forced into rehab and have to get my life together. Then there’d just be the added stress of having to stay away from alcohol. So, I can see that totally backfiring on me.
      Thanks for reading!

  3. edenland September 21, 2010 at 10:33 pm #

    Oh SWEETHEART!!!! Hug hug hug hug to you. I’m putting you in my blogroll right now this second …. and I second that emotion. All of those emotions you described. I don’t think I can ever, ever go off my medication. Whoopsies!

    You’re not alone, mate. Really. XOXOX

    • insertwittytitleheremomstired September 22, 2010 at 2:33 pm #

      Oh Eden, thank you. I just adore you and feel pretty honored to be joining your blogroll. Isn’t it sad, yet refreshing, to know that we’re not alone in these crazy emotions?

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