Archive | September, 2010

Hoarders Light?

2 Sep

Do you think the companies that help out on the show Hoarders are willing to help us mini-hoarders? I know I don’t have dead animal carcasses under heaps of crap, although there may be a cricket or two that fell victim to boxes of crap. I think that the clutter in my house is definitely impacting the clutter going on in my brain. I feel surrounded, like I’m drowning with no real rope that can pull me to safety. Where do I begin? Do I start cleaning? But where? Do I go back on medication? But how much? It’s just an endless cycle of pepping myself up only to fall back into the abyss of not knowing how to start.
I just need a “crew.” 3-4 people should work. I need strangers who don’t know me. Strangers whose judgment won’t get passed on to people I know. I just need everything to be clean. My house, my brain, my life. It doesn’t help that he thinks I’m lazy since our house easily gets cluttered. Never mind we have an 18 month old who likes to explore and move everything. Never mind that he seems incapable of unpacking, putting clothes away, or even hitting the hamper with his dirty laundry. No, the house and clutter is all my fault. Of course I’m the one holding on to the moldy clothes his father used to wear that we’ve been schlepping around for over 7 years.
The motivation does come around, usually when I’m home alone. However, that’s when my brain gets in the way. I see something that sparks a memory, a bad memory. That washes away any motivation I had. It makes me angry and pissed that I’m the one cleaning up this mess in closets that was caused by a drunken fit a few years ago. Why does it feel like I’m the only one always left to pick up the pieces?
Does Hoarders have a crew for me?