Of course, if you ask my
non supportive husband, that would be always. (You would think that after 5 years of marriage and 9 years together total, he would become aware of how easily influenced he is by Reverse Psychology. However, that’s a post for another day.) Today, it’s about how my Psychology background freaked me the f*ck out instead of keeping calm and informed.
You see, I was flipping through one of Emberly’s coloring books she received for Christmas. She had recently really gotten in to wanting to color. I was excited. I could not wait to see what masterpieces my obviously genius daughter had created. In my head I was seeing college scholarships, her own wing in the Louvre, and the glorious amount of presents she would surely be purchasing for the one who inspired it all…me. But then, I opened the coloring book and found this:
Which prompted an immediate picture text to one of my coworkers at the Mental Health Center. I gave her no props on what the coloring was from, instead asking what she thought. Her initial response, “Interesting eyes colored/blacked out and choice of colors. young child saw something?” Immediately my stomach dropped. I knew the “scratching out” of the eyes was a bit concerning. Hell, we’ve all seen horror/Lifetime movies where there is either a demented evil child coloring like this or a poor abused child trying to express what they’ve seen. I immediately replied letting my coworker know that those were colored by Embers. As far as I knew, or felt in my stomach, Emberly hadn’t seen or been victim to anything. But we never know in this day and age, do we?
I was still feeling a bit uneasy and second guessing every interaction Emberly’s had with any other human being with me and without me. Was I a horrible mother that was turning a blind eye to my daughter’s cries for help? Was there something a muck at daycare? Will we be having to go to court for something Emberly saw?! Do I need to put her in a bubble and never let her leave the house?!?!?!
And then I turned through a few more pages in the book and found this:
Apparently Emberly just likes to focus on certain spots and color the shit out of them. Once I was able to calm down and focus my eyes on the text from my friend, I read that it could just be where she is developmentally. If E had been 4/5/6, these drawings could mean a whole lot more.
For now, I’m going back to pre-spending all of the
money love Emberly is sure to be showering me with using all of her art earnings.
This parenting shit is for the birds. Someone remind me why I’ve been entrusted with someone else’s well-being…and why I’m wanting yet another life for which I am responsible.