5 days.

2 Jan

In the grand scheme of things, 5 days is but a blink of an eye. Last week, however, after finding out he wanted to do the 5 days, the anxiety and anticipation of today felt like eternity. In the moment, these 5 days feel like the entire world, like each ticking second is lasting an hour. Each hour is lasting a week. On the other side of these 5 days is still a lifetime.
A lifetime that has purpose, meaning. A lifetime that should be better than the lifetime before these 5 days. And yet, my stomach is churning, my eyes constantly watering. What is to come of the after? Where will these 5 days take us?
There’s the hope of a new beginning, a new life together. A life full of happy and family and memories. All my stomach can comprehend is the lifetime of pain.
What if it doesn’t get better? What if this time isn’t it?
Will he still love me after? Will he still want to fight for us?
Will we be able to tolerate each other without the maladjusted coping skill that will be banned from us after these 5 days?
I don’t know. I can’t know. All I can do right now is focus on living through these next 5 days. Holding out hope that our scared, weeping souls will find peace and a new life…together.
5 days.

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5 Responses to “5 days.”

  1. Sabrina January 2, 2012 at 10:30 pm #

    If you are anything like me then you can “what if” yourself to death. My best advice is to stop it. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You are a strong woman. Britt is doing this because he loves you and your daughter. These are just some of the undeniable truths that you need to hold on to while he is away.

    • insertwittytitleheremomstired January 3, 2012 at 8:03 am #

      Thank you Sabrina. I know those are all true and I need to hold on to that. I think I just needed a day to sulk and feed the depression. Onward and upward today. 4 days to go until a new beginning.

  2. gorillabuns January 4, 2012 at 4:12 pm #

    I hope it all works the way it is supposed to and what is the best for you all.

    • insertwittytitleheremomstired January 5, 2012 at 8:08 am #

      Thanks Shana. I hope it does too. Unfortunately, only time will tell. And here I thought 2012 was supposed to be better than 2011. Was hoping for at least easier 😉

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Something grabs a hold of me tightly « Post-partum D or Bust Blog - January 19, 2012

    […] month, but kindly rearranged my schedule per my husband’s request upon returning from his 5 days. My anxiety in regards to on-call is at a steady 8 or 9. However, add to the fact that there is the […]

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