Just like that, 12 weeks of baby snuggling and daytime tv are over. Yesterday was my first day back to work.
I’m not going to lie, everyone else was way more excited about my return than I was. I had grown accustomed to spending the days snuggling with T and picking E up early from daycare to hang with me. Hell, I even had a good daytime tv schedule figured out. Let’s just say I can solve a murder like nobody else thanks to Bones and Castle. I might even look in to a career change.
Really though, it’s good to be back. My brain needed the stimulation and adult conversations. I’ll have more downtime at work to blog more. It’s even nice to know that Trenton’s getting more stimulation at daycare with all the kiddos loving on him. I thought for sure that he’d be passed out when we got home last night. Other than a 20 minute cat nap, kid was good to go. I think he was still excited from his eventful day of new experiences. It was also nice to hear how much Embelry loved having him at daycare with her.
I’m still mourning the fact that I will never have that much time off from work again. It’s depressing knowing that I am back to regular life and there’s no hope of changing that routine. At the same time, I know I’m not meant to be a stay at home mother. We’d all end up on medications or on mental health holds if that were the case. The only light at the end of the never ending tunnel (besides knowing I get to pick up my kids every afternoon) is that I think I’m finally giving up my second job.
That’s right. You heard it here first. B and I have discussed this and I think it’s best for all of us mentally if I don’t return. Sure the pocket book is definitely going to fill it, but for once, I’m excited. I’m excited to come to the family business for work and not have to dread what day it is due to whether or not I’m on-call that evening. I’m so excited to be able to live each day for itself and not just because I’ll be back on-call in a few days. I know I’ll have days where I still won’t be thrilled and I’ll be grouchy and short tempered. I know I’ll periodically contemplate going back to help pay the bills. I’ll miss the interaction with the staff, clients, law enforcement and hospital staff. It was nice being needed. I will miss people hoping I was the one on call with which they got to deal. Getting inside info about the happenings of the local hospitals. Still, I think it’s time. I’ve been doing this “part-time” job since June of 2007. I think I’ve put my degree to great use, even if I didn’t put the paycheck to great use by not paying off my student loans. shut your mouth. we had fun with the money and that’s all that matters (at least that’s what I keep telling myself in order to not be wrought with guilt on not paying more bills with it.).
So now with all of this extra time on my hands, I will focus it on enjoying these two instead of wasting it on anxiety about possibly getting called out.
Fingers crossed the postpartum anxiety I had with Emberly doesn’t return.